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david lee rock

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i am so in love. [13 Apr 2003|09:54pm]
[ mood | loved ]

i think it is funny how some people only update their journals when they have something to complain about or when something terrible happens... well i don't think it is funny, but strange i guess. i know that i complain a lot in this journal. im sure it gets boring to the few others that read it. i know im not the only one that does it though. i wonder why? could it be that there aren't enough good things that happen to allow a person to write about only happy, good things? i can't remember where i was going with this. i wish i did. it had a good point. i'm an idiot.

well kids, tom is in pennsylvania. he is scheduled to return tomorrow evening at around 8:30. i miss him so much. i know i have said this before, probably too many times, HE IS AMAZING. i can't imagine feeling this way for any person again for as long as i am alive. i love him with all of my heart. he means the world to me. i hope he is reading this in school like he says he does, because he wants to look at that picture of me. i have never been so happy, so satisfies with anyone in my entire life. i couldn't ask for anything more, except maybe that i could see his wonderful face every second of the day. if i could have one wish i would wish that everyone in the world could have one person that they could truely be in love with and be so happy with. i would want this because i now know how wonderful this feeling is. he is the single most amazing person i have ever had the pleasure of talking to, touching, kissing, holding, hugging, missing, looking at, and loving.




tom, i love you so much. i hope that you believe me. i don't ever want you to doubt that! you mean too much to me. i couldn't imagine being without you.

4 comments|post comment

... and its tuesday night. [25 Mar 2003|06:29pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

FINALLY my love came home. yesterday he surprised me by coming to my house unexpected. it was great. i was waiting for his phone call and then he pulled into my drive way. i love when he surprises me. i think he spoils me sometimes. eh.

i love kait so much. she is an awesome friend. tom and i were supposed to eat dinner with her, but we had to change plans. i will probably see her later for dessert! wink! i love tuesdays ever though they can be stressful.

my mom and tom are leaving tomorrow. ahh... a week home by myself with my brother. i am placing bets that i will end up murdering one of them. my mom seems to think it is fair that i have to run all of her errands because i can drive now, but when i need the car for something i want to do she won't let me, BUT she still seems to think that i should pay for some of the gas! i think that is fucking bullshit! why should i pay for gas for the car that i wouldnt get the chance to drive unless she tells me to do something for her. ahhhhhg. i love my mom!

have a good day kids!

1 comment|post comment

i wish the weekend was over. [21 Mar 2003|07:13pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

it's only friday. tom has only been gone for a day. i miss him so much. it feels like its been weeks. he called me. im so glad! there were so many things i wanted to tell him but i just wanted to hear his voice so i let him talk. ahh i love him so much. we haven't had an arguement for a long time. i like it that way. i don't try to be bitchy. i don't like being bitchy. i just can't help it sometimes. everyone has bad days.

i talked to christa today. it was a good conversation. like it always is. its amazing how we can go so long without talking and then talk again like nothing happened. i wish it was easier though. to see eachother i mean. it will be better once the summer comes. i know it will. we will all be driving and it will be nice.

i'm so glad that i met so many good people this year. i'm glad kait and i are good friends. i really really love her. i hate when she is sad. i wish i could do everything for her just to make her happy. i don't want to be like everyone else who makes her upset. i would hate to do that to her.

today was a shitty day but i think right now i am feeling a little better.

<3Susan

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maybe you don't matter anymore. [17 Mar 2003|09:09pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

well once again i have better things to do than update this journal thing. other things like tom. wink wink. all i ever do when i update these is talk about him anyways. is that pathetic? yes it is. ahhg. do i care. no i don't. this weekend he is going away and i need to keep myself busy or i am going to go nuts. literally. i have a college fair to go to on saturday. hmm.. im doing something about my future, that's unusual. we will see what happens. i kinda wanted to see christa and pam and stuff. but once again it isn't going to happen. i give up. i've lost all hope in ever seeing my two best friends again. is this my fault? maybe a little, but why am i expected to do all of this. i think i will call one of them tomorrow... i've been saying that for days now. it hasn't happened yet. should i be upset about them not caring so much as to give me a phone call? i am. do they care? are they upset? i would venture to say no. all of this boyfriend nonsense is making me crazy. i thought friends were supposed to come first. hmm... i'm not sure how this is supposed to work. maybe it's my fault. probably. it seems i can't do anything right. all i know is that i will always be here, waiting for things to be the way they were. i miss the good old days of fucking around at the library in the middle of the night, and swimming at the pond by christa's at midnight, and even just sitting at christa's making dolls on the computer while we were watching dumb and dumber, and reciting every line from the movie. ahh... the good ol' days.

1 comment|post comment

i love group projects. [11 Mar 2003|06:54pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

ahh i haven't updated in a long time agian. i always forget what has happened when i don't update. well last week tom and i argued and then made up. everything is better than it ever was now. i am so happy with him. i hope he knows that. i don't want him to think that i don't love him. i really do! i can't imagine being with anyone else. he is absolutly wonderful. ahhh this is great. i have never spents more than four days away from him. i think that is crazy. it is really going to suck next years when he lives so far away. ahhg. it won't be so bad. i know we can do it.

today i worked on my group project for humanities. it wasn't so bad. i guess i expected worse. aww well.. i think that it will come out well. i better get a good grade on it.

i got a cell phone the other day and my mother is letting me drive more. i like this. i don't feel so trapped all the time. i want to be able to go places when i feel like it. it's nice.

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ice cream is good. [04 Mar 2003|06:45pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

well today is tuesday. i am NOT out to dinner with kait and derek and danielle and mark, AGAIN! UGH! that's alright though. i got to see tom today. i can't believe that i can miss him so much after just one day. i love him. we had a phenomonal(spelling) time in montreal. it was SO much fun. even the car ride wasn't bad. we played the alphabet game a bunch of times. we went ice skating on saturday night and that was amazing. i don't think i have had that much fun since i was a little boy. there were fireworks that night also. they were so beautiful. i don't think i have ever enjoyed fireworks so much in my whole life. having tom there with me made them so much better. matt pond PA got cancelled. that was a huge let down but we had a good time anyway. montreal is kind of a scary city to be walking around in at night, but i suppose any city is that scary. we spent the whole weekend together and didn't make out for more that 10 seconds. i really really enjoy making out with him! wink wink.

school started again. ahhg. progress reports come out soon that means that the year is almost over. i can't wait for the summer to come it is going to be a good summer. i can't wait for the beach. ahh so many things to looks forward to.


mmmmmmm.... love.

2 comments|post comment

god bless canada [27 Feb 2003|09:26pm]
[ mood | excited ]

tomorrow i am going! fucking tomorrow! and i will spend the rest of the next three days with tom! it is going to be amazing. we are staying with his brother and we are going to go ice skating and we are going to see matt pond pa and that is exciting and i get to leave the country for the first time ever! i CAN'T WAIT! i still need to pack because i love to wait until the last minute to do everything. i love me.

my vacation is almost over. what have i done. well lets see
saturday: hung out with tom all day
sunday: worked and watched seven (good movie)
monday: nothing then work
tuesday: nothing and then baked cookies
wednesday: nothing and then work
thursday: probably the most exciting of my days so far.

i finally got to hang out with jed. after a year. it was fun he picked me up and we went to pizza hut and then we went to newbury comics and then to daddy's junky music and then to the mall for a quick lap. then he took me home. it was nice to see him. THEN i had my first guitar lesson! it was fun. i hope i learn fast and i get really good at it. i like it a lot and i think that it will keep me busy. the rest of my vacation will make up for all of the boring times during this week and for all of the boring times i have ever had before!

PS: erin mills got a new television

<3 susan

1 comment|post comment

i know this is love. [24 Feb 2003|09:53pm]
[ mood | blank ]

it is vacation and i have nothing planned. i love having no friends. well, i have friends but they just make empty promises. i LOVE that. although i suppose maybe some of it is my fault. i have certainly made plenty of efforts.

it's so shitty how some things happen. my friend jon's mother died on friday. she had a heart attack. he is less than one year older than me. i don't know what to say to him, i couldn't even imagine what i would do if anything happened to my mother. maybe i take her for granted. i love my mom. i couldn't imagine any so close to me dying. i don't ever want to have to live through that again. EVER. i know it will happen eventually and that scares me. it scares me a lot.


on a much lighter note. i got to drive by myself today. that was fun. my mom finally decided to get insurance.

in just four days i get to go to canada. i am SO happy. and excited. i have never been so excited for something so much in my entire life.

<3 Susan

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who needs an education anyhow? [20 Feb 2003|08:41pm]
[ mood | high ]

i am so glad that vacation is next week. i wish it was summer vacation though. if only it was summer... i could go swimming and stuff. i went to the doctor's the other day. what a terrible experience. i only hope it will be a long long time until i have to get another one of those. BLAH! the worst!

i saw reggie last night. what a huge let down. he was pretending to be some guy names pacco and it was funny and all, but i guess i just expeceted it to be more. aw well.. i had fun anyway. christa and pam and erin need to come to my house this next week over vacation for at least one night. i miss those bitches! we need to have a slumber party and watch HBO porn!

6 comments|post comment

yousa superstar boy whys you still up in the hood [18 Feb 2003|09:04pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

ludacris is a lyrical genius.

no school today. that was exciting. went to tom's house. we didn't do much all day, but i still enjoyed it. it was time well spent. i love every second i am with him. even when he isn't talking to me because he thinks i am pissed at him or something. i love him. ha we had a race around his house. i beat him to his room, but he made it back to the "family" room first. then we went outside to build a fort. we started but then we got snow in our boots and it wasn't so much fun anymore. i'd say it was a good day!

tomorrow is my doctor's appointment. i'm kinda scared. blah. would someone like to take my place? ugh. tomorrow night i am going to see reggie and the full effect with tom.

my dad surprises me sometimes. like tonight, i asked him if i could go with tom and his family to montreal and he said yes before even asking me any questions. i was so surprised. i thought for sure it was a definite no. i am so excited. we are going for the weekend. a whole weekend with him! ahhh it is going to be so much fun. i can't wait.

<3 Susan

2 comments|post comment

i luff him. [16 Feb 2003|01:39pm]
[ mood | excited ]

valentine's day was a treat. i know the holiday is stupid and commercial and what not, but i can't help it, i'm a girl. i need to act like it sometimes. not too often, but on occasions. tom and i went to a thai restaurant it was fun. he tried tofu for the first time. i think he liked it but maybe he was just saying it to please me. it was an amazing day. he bought me a girt certificate for guitar lessons for a month. i'm excited. he gave me a rose and some kisses. it was the best day ever. he told me he loves me. ahhh everything is wonderful. then he left for the weekend i wont see him until tuesday (if he has a car). wednesday i have a vagina appointment. i'm going on the pill. i don't like the fact that a doctor will be looking at my vagina. BLAH! it will be ok though because after that i will be going to tom's house. he is off of school this week. wednesday night i am going to cambridge to see reggie at newbury comics! you should go.

<3 Susan

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lefties, righties, tighty whities [11 Feb 2003|09:34pm]
[ mood | horny ]

yeah so, once again i am on a streak of not updating this stupid thing. i think that maybe i am getting sick of it. no one reads in anyway. maybe i should talk trash about everyone. HA. it's not like they would find out right? whatev. so i like stuff right now. everything is going pretty well. i am very happy with tom. i wish i saw christa more these days, but all in good time. we will do something to, i promise! pam has a boyfriend. i am glad. he seems like a nice boy, and she seems happy with him. i miss that bitch too. we need to have a ladies night soon. i know i have said this too many times. we all seem to be too busy giving blow jobs to fit eachother into our schedules.

went to UMASS amherst with my darling on saturday. that was a blast. it wasn't too much fun. whatev. i can't imagine doing anything more interesting at home. friday was a special night for tom and i. ahh i really like him.

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i dislike girls. [04 Feb 2003|09:56pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

do you ever realize how much girls complain about their boyfriends? they are ALWAYS complaining, yet they continue to go out with huge losers. i can't say that i haven't done it before, because i have, planty of times. its just that i convince myself that it will get better. maybe all of these stupid girls should just realize this and stop complaining to me. i honestly don't care that much. i have the most perfect boyfriend in the world. he is better than your lives. it's your own fucking fault for being with a stupid guy.

i'm SO happy they changed the date of the fucking prom. its not that i really wanted to go in the first place but just in case i did to make matters worse tom won't even be home. instead he will be having fun somewhere else. he told me to go with someone else. LIKE i would want to. AHHG! i hate my school. i hate everything right now. derek got his parking pass taken away so i am going to have to start taking the bus home! BLAH! i wish it was summer! i want to not have school. i want to be able to see tom more. it has only been three days and it is killing me. i like him WAY to much. i would spend EVERYDAY with him if i could. i don't think i would get sick of him. i'm probably being stupid now though. he will end up getting sick of me and then break up with me and i don't know what i will do. ahh i hate thinking about that. if i can't make it three days without seeing him how will i make it next year when he goes to college. ugh i don't even want to think about it.

i HATE thinking about the future. yesterday, i had to pick classes for next year. it's bad enough next year i will be a senior, its not necessary to start thinking about that NOW. i need to finish junior year first right? there are so many questions that need to be answered before the end of next year. what the hell am i going to do with my life? who the hell knows? i will be your best friend forever if you can just tell me what the hell i am going to make out of myself.

well i love you all... sorry my life is so boring. you didn't need to read all of that. all i ever do is complain. it helps though i suppose.

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kasie... [25 Jan 2003|11:04am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

i really miss her. it is a normal feeling. right? i hope so. i wish we were better friends than we were. but i liked what we had anyway. she made me laugh. i made her laugh.. i LOVED her laugh. her smile was amazing. ahhg i wish i could talk to her again. she was such an interesting person. i miss that.

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midterms. [23 Jan 2003|03:36pm]
[ mood | excited ]

midterms are over! i don't need to go back for the friday midterm. i finished just in time. that makes me one happy girl. french was the hardest midterm. i thought it would be a breeze... oh boy was i mistaken. i like coming home at 11.. i will greatly miss it next week. i don't think i can make it through a full week of school. yikes. work last night was terrible. i hate when people don't do what they were supposed to. i always end up doing their job. BLAH. i'm over it though. not a big deal.

it's snowing. i am sick of winter. i don't like this much cold. my house is just as cold as the outside. my step dad doesn't believe in heat. i can't wait to go to the beach. i want to play in the ocean. mmm.

someone needs to post... make me feel like you care.

1 comment|post comment

i hate doing this. [19 Jan 2003|09:57pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

i love making my mom cry. did she even do anything wrong? yeah, she sort of put me in the middle of shit. but did she do it on purpose? probably not. i don't know. maybe she just wasn't realizing it. all she did was ask me? i don't think so. she definetly thought it was funny to keep bringing it up. she thought it was making me laugh. it wasn't. it hurts. i don't like 'tricking' my father. he can be an asshole. i don't see how he deserves this though. maybe it was a good idea at first. perhaps i just don't understand these things. i don't need to. if he wants to tell me, he will. he didn't. maybe he didn't know yet. he has been in las vegas. maybe he didn't check his mail. maybe i'm completely wrong. who knows? did she need to cry? is it just PMS? probably. i don't think i did anything wrong. i needed to tell her or she would just keep doing it. right? i need to cry. i need to apologize. i need to hug. i don't like doing this to her. she doesn't deserve it. i love my mom. but, i love my dad too. i won't be taking sides. it isn't fair... to anyone.

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i miss this. [16 Jan 2003|09:49pm]
[ mood | content ]

yeah so everything is wonderful! it has been sixteen days! i like him so much. i couldn't imagine it being any better. he makes me so happy. everything he is says makes me smile, even when he is insulting me. only sixteen days and i like him so much, this is scary. i don't want to mess things up like i usually do. he is supposed to come to my dad's this weekend. that would be nice. he will meet my dad and maybe christa. i miss christa. i miss those girls.

i talked to erin today. what a peach. i haven't talked to her in a long time. i like having friends. i love my friends. all of them! it is weird having girl friends again. i don't know why it takes me so long to be comfortable around girls. they are just like me. with vaginas and all. i can't explain it. i went out to dinner last night with kait and nicole. we had a good time! i like them a lot. i am finally starting to feel comfortable around them, it only took a year. they make me happy. i wish i was still 'hanging out' with christa and pam, ahhh the good 'ol days. we need to do it agian sometime. if only we weren't so busy with boys. adolesence... pffft!

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no cuts, no butts! [01 Jan 2003|12:19pm]
[ mood | jealous ]

i think it's time i change the color of my profile it's kind of boring now. well it's 2003. new years was amazing. i had a good time. i didn't have to get drunk or anything and i think that might have made me enjoy it more. i worked from 12-5 with tom <3 then we went to my house so i could change. he met my mom and tom and he believes me now that they don't hate him. GOOD! we went to his house and ate a lot of food. his older brother had a bunch of friends over and they did a pot luck dinner thing. it was good. then they all left and tom and i stayed for a little while. *wink*. we went to kim's house and that was fun. they were all drinking and i was afraid they would be annoying but they weren't so bad. we had a good time. i couldn't imagine it being any better. unless i slept there with him.

tom and i have spent the last six days together. i like him a lot. it kind of scares me. i don't want him to hurt me. i know i won't hurt him. he is an amazing person. i'm scared that i am falling for him too fast. i can't help it. these next few days are going to suck. he is going away this weekend and i won't even be able to talk to him. ahhh. and then school will start and i will barely get to see him. i will miss him. i wish i had more friends to keep my mind off of him. somebody help.

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lick the vag. [27 Dec 2002|09:41pm]
[ mood | horny ]

these last two days have been amazing. i love this feeling. it feels so nice. tom and i hung out all day yesterday until i had to work and then again today we did the same thing. he told me he likes how he can be himself around me. i like it too. i like him better like that. everything is fun when i am with him for different reason and i like that too. it feels good. he feels good. i like this.

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fuck the snow. [25 Dec 2002|03:57pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

the snow has ruined my plans for today! it hasn't snowed yet this winter. the day i make plans to do something and get excited, it snows. wonderful! well merry fucking christmas. i miss him. he told me he gets jealous. that isn't a very good thing. everyone gets jealous though, especially me. i just don't say anything until it hurts so much and then i cry and it sucks. i hope i don't mess this up. we are hanging out tomorrow instead. i guess that is better than waiting until saturday.

i got an air hockey table for christmas! it is fucking awesome. i also got rock 'em sock 'em robots! so much fun. it was a good christmas this year. i am happy and so is my mom and tom i think. they are happy that they made us happy. i like this feeling. i feel good.

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